Rekindling Broken Family Ties : Is it Possible?
“Do you still regret the way we separated from the family?” worryingly asked Preksha Oberoi. She had not seen her husband so anxious & overwhelmed for quite a few years now. “No, it’s not about regret. I do agree that we all could have handled the situation better. It’s just that I don’t feel like revisiting those events, it’s somehow very uncomfortable ” replied her husband Mahendra Oberoi.
Mahendra was apprehensive about what was awaiting him the next day. He had to face his siblings and participate in a discussion that had caused extreme disharmony and resentment in the family years ago. His mind was full of thoughts which made it impossible to sleep – What will unfold tomorrow? How are his siblings going to react? Will they be able to resolve things peacefully ?
Above all, deep in his heart he longed for the warmth and camaraderie he once shared with his brother and sisters.
Anguished & Bitter Separation
The Oberois were once a close-knit joint family with liberal values. They had always been prosperous and the business flourished under the reins of the patriarch, Mr. Dayalbhai Oberoi (90). From what started as a local pharmacy in their native state of Punjab, the family business had come a long way and was now one of the leading pharmaceutical companies in India. They have expanded to real estate, solar energy & education business as well in recent times. His four children were provided with the best of education within and outside the country .
Despite having a lot of luxuries growing up, Mahendra (68), Neelima (65), Deependra (63) & Shailja (60) had only one regret- the complete emotional detachment from their father Dayalbhai. While Dayalbhai was busy building the business empire, his children resented him for not being available when they needed him. Pressures to excel academically, lack of support during the initial years in business & career and disregard for artistic ambitions were other factors that added to the resentment. While Mahendra, Deepandra and Neelima were active in business, Shailja was pursuing a professional law career.
A few years into the business and the three siblings weren’t getting along well. Though the differences were manageable, Dayalbhai had already made up his mind to separate them financially. A systematic process of separation was followed with valuation of group businesses done by experts, equitable distribution plan, interest based allocation of business, planning sufficient liquidity for all & agreement on realistic inter-family payment terms. However, the process did not seem fair to the siblings. Regardless, the settlement was done and executed.
After sometime, further discord was created when Dayalbhai tried to revisit one of the settled agreements citing that few calculations were inaccurate and sought compensation from Mahendra which eventually led to arbitration proceedings. All of this led to deep resentment, remorse and anger amongst the siblings towards each other and their father.
The Roads Travelled
The four siblings traversed different paths after separation. While they all started with broadly equal fortunes and high growth potential businesses & careers, they all had different stories to tell. Mahendra and Neelima had grown to establish themselves as one of the leading players in pharmaceutical and real-estate businesses respectively and multiplied their wealth several times. Deependra did not taste as much success as his older siblings but managed to sustain what he inherited. Shailja had been unsuccessful in setting up a decent law practice and was only able to live a luxurious lifestyle owing to her fast depleting inheritance. The mismatch in current fortunes had further distanced the siblings who now had very less in common with different businesses and social circles. Their spouses came from diverse backgrounds and took less initiative to engage and connect with family. Further, their kids grew up in different environments and had formal relationships with each other.
As Dayalbhai was heading to the last leg of his life with deteriorating health, he expressed his wish to make a will to allocate his assets & wealth to his children & grandchildren. The matriarch, Mrs. Kalyani Oberoi (86) who otherwise played no role in the dynamics prevailing between father and children, had to step in this time to fulfil the desires of her husband. She confided in her older daughter Neelima who had heard about BAF Consultants from a close friend and thought that the team could possibly help the family in emotional reunion and amicable separation of their father’s assets.
BAF Intervention & Outcomes
When BAF Consultants took over, the first and foremost task for them was to establish trust amongst the siblings & create a conducive environment for them to open up and express themselves. While this took time to achieve, the team quickly realised that all the siblings wished very well for each other and had each other’s best interests at heart. They leveraged this fact for creating an atmosphere of mutual understanding and emotional healing.
The process flow which was discussed, agreed and actioned upon was:
1. Identifying strengths and development areas of all siblings from the perspective of self and others. Further, determining how strengths could be leveraged for resolving the barriers and what specific actions need to be taken for development areas.
2. One on one sessions with all siblings to understand individual sensitivities & concerns, barriers, regrets and resentments. This was done especially with regards to their relationship with each other as well as with father.
3. Facilitated conversations between siblings to express their thoughts, feelings & needs and understand the same for others.
4. Addressing the identified specific issues regarding family settlement through facilitated conversations by creating an environment of openness, mutual understanding and trust.
The key outcomes of the engagement were:
1. Family assets were distributed based on convenience and utility. Siblings chose to set aside differences in valuation while settling these.
2. Cross shareholding in business entities & business assets was resolved by transferring to the concerned sibling managing the business. Specific alignment was also achieved on buy/out and making transfers in a tax efficient manner.
3. Mahendra decided to set up a trust for all 4 siblings & their children and transferred some of his company shares in that trust.
4. Neelima decided to set up a trust in the name of their mother Mrs Kalyani Oberoi with the purpose of taking up family togetherness and children’s learning and education initiatives.
Epilogue
After multiple rounds of conversation, the siblings were finally able to whole-heartedly align and agree upon the plan and next steps for all identified issues.
The air was cleaner, and four siblings felt closer to each other after so many years. The entire family was planning to celebrate Diwali together after two decades. The reservations for siblings’ vacation to Greece were also in order.
Oberois have set an example for thousands of other families. Rekindling the family bond & togetherness after years of distrust, insecurities, blame-game is not an easy journey. It ultimately comes down to whether each family member is putting the effort to recover from past hurt and determined to let love win over ego.